Hi Mark. =)

Much rant-ness yesterday... and more to building, but not today. This has been a lazy day, making Nanaimo Bars, organizing some of the stuff that I've moved and getting my computer Return-to-Castle-Wolfenstien-Gaming-ready. Did a little web research for my mom on some antiques she has, and generally relaxing. Definitely needed a day like this after the move last weekend. So far, knock on wood, the pager has not gone off.

I see George at work, but I don't talk to him much. It's like we are brother and sister or just 'work acquaintances', now... except I remember what makes him shudder and close his eyes in extacy. :-/ The missing him hasn't hit me bad at all, it's strange and I'm not really waiting for it to happen or dreading it or *anything*... I've got lots of other things to focus on for myself. I wonder if he'll find someone or just get immersed in gaming again, and keep living at his parents. ;-) Every time I've talked to him when he's been at home, he has been helping his Dad with the computer. That will drive him mad after a while, but.... whatever. The true test will come when one or the other of us finds someone new... then we'll see how actually "over" him I am. Time will heal it all.

At any rate... more to do, things to download, pack, organize, clean... dinner with "aunt and uncle" tonight. Mmmm... garlic prawns ala Dad. Gotta love not being the only cook in the house!

Listening to the radio and hearing about alleged Israeli War Crimes. Using Palestinians as human shields, deliberately shooting women and children, crushing a paralyzed man in his home even though the family tried to get a few more minutes to get him out, shooting a man in a wheelchair with a tank and then running over his body in the road... his wheelchair with a white flag still attached to it...

I don't know. It all sounds SO horrific... and yet, I can't help but feel that were the Israelis the "popular" side, that there would be no mention of these alleged war crimes. Instead the Palestinians would be accused with the same charges and more. The popular press today seems to have it in for the Israelis. I've always had good memories of any Israelis I've ever met... They were always resourceful, polite and caring people. Some had lived on Kibbutz there, and that life sounded wonderful for the soul. Working the land, studying their religion and living communally.

One problem I have with the term "War Crimes" is that it only ever applies to the "losing" side. The Americans, Canadians, British in World War II. If the Allies had lost that war, there would have been accusations of "War Crimes" galore from the Axis side. Another is that this is WAR we are talking about here... what the hell does anyone expect? If we were truly civilized, there would be no war. It's a violent and dirty business and it is fought against ENEMIES.

dictionary.com says:

en·e·my Pronunciation Key (n-m)
n. pl. en·e·mies
One who feels hatred toward, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another; a foe.

A hostile power or force, such as a nation.
A member or unit of such a force.
A group of foes or hostile forces. See Usage Note at collective noun.
Something destructive or injurious in its effects: “Art hath an enemy called Ignorance” (Ben Jonson).

adj.
Of, relating to, or being a hostile power or force.

Since we are human, and as humans we unfortunately get involved in a lot of horrible conficts called wars, we make enemies of our foes. Nobody is nice to their enemies... whatever for? Enemies abuse and use and pillage and destroy each other. That's what enemies do. So to make it a "war crime" to be human in this way strikes me as completely ridiculous.

I am not saying that the things these people are doing are right or good or moral or any of that, but face it, they are acting in times of war. If we truly want to prosecute "war crimes", we must prosecute the entire act of war. Period. Make WAR criminal, and then you'll have my vote for prosecuting war crimes. Until then... "it's okay to kill the soldier of your enemy, but not the women of your enemy" makes no sense to me at all.

Feeling good and bad about being here at my parents' house. It's strange... I could never stand to come here because my mom would nag me and bug me and generally make me feel like a child. I was dreading the way it would beel to be here all the time with her. I wondered if we'd drive each other mad, or if when she saw my tattoo she would freak out (that is yet to come, I'm sure I'll still get the freak out on that one). Now I think that my Mom has really been stifled all these years, at least in some ways. She may not ever agree that me getting a tattoo is okay for me even if it's not for her, but she's really being supportive about me moving home. I think she likes to have someone besides Dad to talk to... but also, I think Dad used to make her do things his way, and she'd give in, because her Mom never let her Dad do anything with the kids his way... and now she's standing up to my Dad some. She was the one who made the choice to let me come live here, she gives up her car to me to use to get to work, she helps me make space to put things and helps me put things away... she's been incredible.

I'm gaining a new respect for my Mom through this. I know it's only been a few days, but even before the move she was very helpful and cleared space for my clothes and bathroom stuff in the upstairs bathroom. She's been awesome. I wish I could share everything about my life with her... so she could read this blog... but there are some things that I don't think she's ready to know. I'll hide the tattoo as long as possible. I don't want to shock her. That's not what my tattoo is for... maybe after a few months we'll be close enough that I can reveal it without giving her a heart attack... and maybe not.

We shall see.

My Dad still doesn't seem to want me here all that much. He is kind of putting up with me. He does have quite a bit to put up with since I invaded his computer room to sleep in... and I think he'll come around eventually. We went for a walk with the dog tonight and he was cool... I think things like that will help him feel more comfortable. Time will tell, but so far I think it's going well.

Dinner at the Boathouse TOMORROW. Yum. My favourite.

Ahhhh.... my own baby back online where she belongs. What a fight to get TCP/IP to clear it's old settings! I finally just uninstalled and reinstalled the protocol. Call me crazy, but it worked. Better than fscking with it all night long.

So things are settling in to "normal" around here... few more weeks and it will be just like home. I miss being downtown, but not all that much. There are great views here, great parks, and Rainy has a backyard to play in. That's my goal for us. I'm going to buy my own place with a backyard just for she and I to enjoy with friends. =)

I'm kind of numb about Geroge. I don't know what to think about us, anymore. He still calls me for little things and I still call him for computer won't get on the network troubleshooting help... but we aren't "going out" anymore. We're not living together anymore. We're just... "friends". What the hell does that mean, anyway? How the hell do you DO that with someone you've been sexual with for the past 2-3 years? I dunno. But somehow it seems to be working. My feeling is that it will all fall apart when one or the other of us finds someone new. I know it will be him, first... because I want my house before I go getting involved with anyone. Could be a few years.

MaybeI really should get some rechargable batteries for my i-brator. ;-)

Dinner at the Boathouse on Thursday at 6:30. Yum. My favourite.

So I still don't have my computer networked here at the parental units' house... but at least it's set up. Just need to grab one of those extra-long spare network cables from work tomorrow... and I'll have it strung up in no time tomrrow after work. Dunno how I'll play RTCW from here with my monitor sitting on the dresser and my keyboard and mouse on my lap... I'll have to rig something up. Maybe I can get one of those fold-up TV tables to use for the mouse, at least. What a mess! I may be the official cheerleader of QGirlZ if this keeps up, instead of a regular player.

This keyboard hurts my forearms. I want my pooter online. :-/ Soon... soon...

On a lighter note...

Never transport your personal i-brator with the batteries installed. Just don't. I couldn't remember where I'd stashed mine, but found out at a potentially embarassing moment. My parents had gone to bed and I was carrying the last of my bags upstairs. I was just rounding the corner by my parents' bedroom door when something starts buzzing and rattling VERY loudly inside one of the 5 bags I was carrying. At first I thought my phone was going off.... but then the buzzing continued for an extended period of time and got louder and more insistent. Luckily my parents are either deaf or were listening to the radio because no one came out to question me as I dropped 2 of the 5 bags and made a mad dash upstairs to silence the deafening roar of my i-brator. ;-) Time for bed. Long drive in the morning.

So the poem isn't for your consumption. It's too risque! Perhaps when I get around to developing my own webspace, I'll fill you in..

I tried to post something about being offline for a few days on Friday before I tore down my compter and desk and everything for the move. But of course blogger wasn't working at all.. so I'm almost back. Using my dad's ancient, slow beastly machine with the "excellent quality" 15" monitor that he bought 6 years ago. Silly Dad. He doesn't want to use my 19" Sony G400 flatscreen... cuz he says he has a good monitor. The screen flicker is atrocious on this thing... but I think I may be able to convince him... we'll see.

At any rate. I'm more tired than I've been in a long time and I have to get up for work in 8 hours. (called in late - supposed to be there at 6). Ugh.

Less mundane haircut blogstuffz when I have my brain back. Maybe.