I just learned that I have the exact same birthday as Shaquille O'Neal. Weird.

In 1972, Shaquille O'Neal, Newark NJ, NBA center (Magic, Lakers, Oly-gold-96)

From this site. Thanks Darren.

I'm going to bed, now. Yuh-huh.

Time to figure out what to get Mom for mother's day. Being on call sucks. I want to ride my bike to Fort Langley and get a gift certificate from the store she likes there. I think I will anyway... even though it means hauling the laptop along with me. There was a time (a few weeks ago) when I couldn't have left the house at all. Thank goodness for the wonderment that is GPRS modems from Fido. Whee!

Pannier packing here I come... dooo dahhhh doo dahhh!

Sometimes, I miss him so.

Tired and lonely, I feel my past calling,
Your voice from a distance all too near.
I remember a place that time has not yet hidden from me,
And dread a future that holds you in another's arms.

I am so tired I can barely see. This is when the dread and the fear and the uncertainty claim me for their own and do with me what they will. I have one incredible advantage. I know how much stronger I am than this. I am ready to fight. Time will give me distance. Time will give me strength.

Home and TIRED. Swapped shifts yesterday to facilitate the whole sleep thing.... and then not have to drive to Langley before heading out to Vancouver for a house warming party. At my old digs. How strange is that? I'm curious to see what it's like with "other people's stuff" in it. Plus, it doesn't feel like home to me, anymore.... I want MY OWN place. OWN being the operative word, there.

At any rate. Dinner to attend to... dear friends' wedding plans to talk about *whee* (NO pages tonight during that time please and thank you people!) and then much much needed sleep to get.

I ache.

Long day yesterday. Short night. Meh. Pager can suck, indeed it can... but I'm going to have one big shift on this next paycheque and TWO on the cheque after that. Wh00t! ;-)

Made plans with my dear-friend-from-school-who-now-lives-far-far-away to go up and visit her in far-far-away land in June. I'm excited! She's going to be hella pregnant by that time... only four weeks from her due date - so maybe her hubby will be picking me up? Or I'll walk? We'll see!

Living with the parents is good, except for a few things.

1. The bed I'm sleeping on is crap and my back is starting to hurt.
2. Dad wants me out of there as soon as possible and he not-so-subtly hints about it all the time.

Things I could do to remedy these few things:

1. Buy a better twin mattress for the bed I'm sleeping on (I can then use this in my 'spare room' when I get my house!)
2. Suck up to Dad big time ("Hey Dad, wanna go golfing? Can I wash the car for you?") and keep out of his way as best I can while proving to him that I'm saving tons of money towards buying my own place and couldn't do so nearly as quickly without the help they're giving me by letting me stay there rent free.

Who knows... maybe he'll come around in a few months time... maybe he won't. Whatever happens I just have to dump as much money as possible into the "saving for a house for Heather" fund while the dumping is good. No rent and no food bills = $ha-ching! $aving$! Argh! The slowness of it all. I'm hoping that by this time next year I'll be chewing on a cigar and saying in my best Hannibal-leader-of-the-A-team-voice "I love it when a plan comes together."

I miss Gretchen's postings. Gretchen, come home!

Got to sleep at 8:30 last night. Got a page at 9:30 and thought it was my alarm clock at first. Silly me.

Doctors are "on strike" here in B.C. again. I have problems with that. Yesterday specialists were not taking new patients, today it's General Practitioners. They'll still take you if you already had an appointment, or if it's an emergency... but no more unpaid "on call" doctors or other services and they're not taking any new patients, either. This SUCKS.

Something has to change.... but what? There is a lot of fear about going to a two-tiered system or losing public health care altogether. For the most part I feel that having public health care is good... except... the doctors still get paid even if they don't diganose or fix my problem. I don't think this is right. They don't have any vested interest in doing a good job to fix what's wrong with me if they don't see any financial benefit. I suppose they see *some* benefit, in that they *may* get more patients coming to them if word gets around that they care... but all my doctors have just seemed to refer me willy-nilly to whatever specialist there is around.. and I have not gotten satisfactory results from this method so far.

Maybe I'm jaded. Just fix my foot, damnit.

Super early bed tonight. Got lots done.

Saw the end of Spiderman. Definitely going to see this one in the theatres. Multiple times.
Studied towards MCSE - dont' ask why, it doesn't matter.
Talked finances and insurance with the folks.
Took the dog for a brisk fun walk down to the park and the long way back.
Uploaded pictures for Tyler - no you can't see them until he does.

Rainy looks awesome. I should post a picture. She was a guinea pig in a grooming competition yesterday and boy howdy the groomer that did her should have won. Somebody bought the judge and this haircut wasn't good enough.

Time for a restful read of a new book and then some sleep.

Thanks Arwen. =)

Ungh. Early. I left for work at 4:50AM... tried a different route which seems to be kind of roundabout... and it took me about 45 minutes. I'll try another way tomorrow and see how long it takes. It's going to be different depending on what shift I work. The early shift is great traffic-wise... but sleep-wise? Not so good. *yawn*

I really feel for the Jehovah's Witness father whos 16 year old daughter is dying of lukemia in Calgary. Blood transfusions are the only thing that will keep her alive to fight the cancer. Blood transfusions are prohibited by their religion. After much deliberation and study of the bible he concluded that the reason the sharing of blood is prohibited is to prevent the spread of disease - not to prevent his daughter from having a chance at life. He broke with his strong religious beliefs to get her blood transfusions. His entire church and family are against him, including his daughter... and yet he continues to fight to get her those transfusions. He has been ostracized by his church, his family all tell him to his face that they hate him, and his daughter allows him a few half hour visits per week where she all but ignores him. Publicists and lawyers from The Watchtower Society in Toronto have arrived on the scene to fight the transfusions.

I suppose he's forcing his beliefs on someone else... but then -- at 16 how firm are your beliefs? At that age I was very impressionable, and a well-spoken publicist and lawyer from an organization that I believed in would certainly have swayed my opinion... anything rather than listen to my father.

Last night the whole "being alone" thing hit me temporarily. Although it brought me down, it wasn't crippling the way it used to be. I realize that I deserve better than what I had. I deserve more than what I had. What I had was good, very good... but it wasn't enough. Do I sound selfish? I'm not. I'm just finally realizing my worth.

I'm worth spending time with.
I'm worth talking to every day about big things, little things.
I'm worth being concerned about.
I'm worth devoting time to.
I'm worth pleasing.
I'm worth loving.
I'm worth being made to feel special.
I'm worth making a commitment to.


Why? Because I am. Because I give those same things back to the people I care about. It's not so much to ask to get it all back once in a while.

So until I do find someone who I think is worth it, and who thinks I am worth it, I will make do on my own. Living at home so far has been good. It's only been a week, but things are going well as far as I can tell. I help out, they help out, we all chip in and do what needs to be done. When it needs to be done. I like that in a a relationship.

But sometimes, I still cry. What brings it on is when I feel as though the support has dropped out from under my heart and it's just falling away from me. I rally back, but the feeling comes again... a little duller, less intense sometimes... maybe one day it will go away altogether.

I have things to do. On call and working at the moment... so back to it I go.

Ramble on... ramble on...