Last night the whole "being alone" thing hit me temporarily. Although it brought me down, it wasn't crippling the way it used to be. I realize that I deserve better than what I had. I deserve more than what I had. What I had was good, very good... but it wasn't enough. Do I sound selfish? I'm not. I'm just finally realizing my worth.

I'm worth spending time with.
I'm worth talking to every day about big things, little things.
I'm worth being concerned about.
I'm worth devoting time to.
I'm worth pleasing.
I'm worth loving.
I'm worth being made to feel special.
I'm worth making a commitment to.


Why? Because I am. Because I give those same things back to the people I care about. It's not so much to ask to get it all back once in a while.

So until I do find someone who I think is worth it, and who thinks I am worth it, I will make do on my own. Living at home so far has been good. It's only been a week, but things are going well as far as I can tell. I help out, they help out, we all chip in and do what needs to be done. When it needs to be done. I like that in a a relationship.

But sometimes, I still cry. What brings it on is when I feel as though the support has dropped out from under my heart and it's just falling away from me. I rally back, but the feeling comes again... a little duller, less intense sometimes... maybe one day it will go away altogether.

I have things to do. On call and working at the moment... so back to it I go.

Ramble on... ramble on...