Thursday, December 27, 2001

I went to MEC tonight. I tried on packs. I picked this one.

It fits wonderfully -- I carried it fully loaded all around the store for about 20 minutes and it hardly felt like I was carrying anything. Mind you, I did feel a whole lot lighter when I took it off.

I'll save me up some money and buy that one in sage green. Everywhere else online it's USD $345.00. I love that it's made in Canada. I ran into my neighbour down the hall at MEC and told him about my plan to go to Peru. He told me that he gets really good deals on plane tickets and he offered to get George and I good deals if we ever need to fly anywhere. He's a really great neighbour, even without the plane ticket offer. Nice people rock.

My mom's coming to stay overnight in two weeks. George will be in Washington working at the University Hospital upgrading their radiology PACS system... that's what we do... he installs, I do remote service. It's a challenge. It's a living. (It'll get me to Peru this year!) Mom and I will do girly things and rent girly movies and probably have long talks. Hopefully she can see that I'm happy and will continue to be happy as long as I'm true to myself. She sees me so differently than I see myself... she said to me on the phone tonight (in an exasperated voice) "Well, I *did* want you to grow up to be independent, and you're *definitely that*" Hmm... Here I am, realizing that I really haven't been independent my whole life. I've been depending on others to make me happy when really, all of that comes from within.

Lots to do... Sleep to get...

Redwood is coming over this weekend! We're going curling and out to dinner at our favourite fancy restaurant "La Terazza". It will be nice to see him again.
It's never easy to really change, is it?

Wednesday, December 26, 2001

Saw LotR tonight at the IMAX theatre on the HUGE screen. Wow. I was impressed, but I shouldn't have read the books again *first*. I won't make the same mistake next year!

Have lots to do tonight - reorganizing my 'office' at home... reorganizing my life... reorganizing my brain. Not too tall an order, now, is it? Nah!

One step at a time, just keep moving forward.

I decided today that I want a life that people would want to read about. I'm going to be not just the "official" Black Sheep of the family... but the BEST GODDAM BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY that our family has ever had.

Just you watch.

Monday, December 24, 2001

Maybe I'm just not meant to be like other people. Today at work I was listening to Kyle tell Eric about the scare he and his wife had and how he had to take her to hospital for some pregancy-related complications... I feel for them, but I don't feel like I could ever be there, doing that. :-/ One day perhaps, but I'm not ready to settle down and have kids and a family, yet.

I still have to figure out who I am and where I am in life, however. That's the fun part. =D So many people here are living ordinary lives... how can I make mine extraordinary? Riding my bike to work every day is a start - that's not "normal". Guess I'd better get cracking and get my rear rim replaced. It's worn out and causing my flat tires. Evil.

I started looking at packs online... have to find a good backpacking/hostelling/travelling newsgroup or mailing list.

George gave me a 'travel' calendar on Friday. Talk about timing... that's when I decided that travel on my own was what I needed to do... and he came through with a gorgeous calendar from the travel agency.

I love him, but I'm still confused about what our future holds -- mainly because I'm still confused about me. Crazy world. Crazy life.

Sunday, December 23, 2001

Weekend with Doug and Ali (and an all-too-brief interlude with Kim and Ed) is over. We made more gingerbread cookies and decorated them all up. What fun! Dinner was huge and wonderful at the Boathouse in Richmond and then everyone was off. Us home, the rest of them to Seattle.

Guess what George is doing? Yep. Playing games. Sucks to be me.

Back to work tomorrow - then to the parents' house for Christmas. I'm kind of dreading it. I'd rather be with George -- but things are up and down with us... mainly because I'm in a different place in my life than he is in his. I feel old. I feel lonely. I feel lost. I feel all sorts of things... but this year I'm taking steps to remedy that. I will start travelling. I must. Alone.

I do too much with other people, or what other people might think, in mind. It's time for me to find myself in ways I haven't yet done. I'll save up my holidays (and money) and go to Peru. Magic. Mystery. Ancient cultures. Large spiders. I'll find a way around the spiders somehow. It'll be worth it.

Time to find a backpack and screw up my courage and determination.

Welcome to a journal about ME. Go away if you don't like it. It's my journal. :-P~~~

Ho... hum.... have to go pack things to take to the 'rents. Feh.