Well... I did what I said I should do and said "NO MORE!", and yet my heart still breaks. I think it will break for a while. I need it to break, to stay strong. How strange that is. I'm scared that I won't be strong... but if I *am*... just think of the breakthrough! I leave town next Friday and the temptation will stay behind. Then my heart can well and truly break... and maybe I will be able to let myself heal and be strong. Right now I just want to cry out and run to his arms... the person I've been craving that isn't my husband. But that would be playing right into my pattern's designs. NO MORE! Can you tell I'm not convinced? Well.. it's cuz I'm not. I feel so incredibly weak, but I must try to be strong. I'll read some Pema Chodron tonight... she always helps me to see things in a new way.

Heart... stop trying to destroy me!