She *is* sweet. And she brought me pictures! I have pictures of people who I resemble!! I'm in shock. There were surprisingly very few tears... mostly smiles and talking and looking at photo albums. She had an appointment to get to, and I have class tonight, so we parted around 1:00... I saw her tear up a bit as she left the restaurant... I had photo albums to pack up and cart off. My birth mom sent down some photos, including her wedding photo with my Birth Dad. Wow!
I was nervous before the meeting, so I headed to the store and picked up a bouquet of flowers for her... she brought me some Body Shop stuff which was very sweet. She gave me a photo album with pictures of my birth realtives, including her, my full sister, my half-sister, my 2 nieces, my nephew, my Grandmother, great grandmother, grandfather, aunt... wow. It's amazing to look at pictures of people who I am physically related to, when I've never been able to do that my entire life.
M. was able to take a long lunch and meet us at the restaurant - which was wonderful. My half sister is is beautiful, slender with long legs, big gorgeous eyes, red hair and an infectious smile. I saw videos of her foal and all her horses, and I saw pictures of everyone imaginable. I can hardly wait to visit them.
Her beau is the cousin of a girl that I went to school with. It's a crazy small world! They're staying at her brother's place out in Burnaby. Wow. I'm overwhelmed. I'll have to document this some place else, some other time... cuz I'm too stunned to write coherently right now.
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
This was to post from yesterday... silly blogger. =)
I've had so much to post lately, and silly me -- was over filling the blogger buffer and it wouldn't publish. Heh. So here's the short version.
The call went well on the 17th. Amazingly well. I know it's probably the "first blush" stage of a new relationship... but the connection is undoubtably there. Since the 2 and a half hour call with my B-Mom, I have also spoken to my half sister Carla (for about an hour and a half) - she tried searching for me last year, though things didn't get completed, and now I've found them... so it's all good. She'll be driving in to Vancouver tonight, and depending on how I'm feeling physically, we may meet up tomorrow for lunch and a photo exchange. I've been sick the last two days... nasty cold... keeping me up at night... so we'll see. I don't want to pass it on!
The move is going well... Slowly but surely. We moved all the crap I had out of storage and had the yard sale that I mentioned last post. We were selling things ridiculously cheap... and it paid off. Got rid of most of what we didn't need, and got some money to boot! Trying to get EI... got a notice from them that they're " looking into " my claim and "a decision will be made, soon". Meh. Hope it goes my way. I'll fight for it. Cuz, really, my leaving was mutual.
Sunday we went to Granville Island and picked up the clay mural by Bob Kingsmill. It's gorgeous. Just what I'd hoped for and more. I keep looking at it on our wall and thinking - my God, it's beautiful! Not only is it beautiful in itselft, but the fact that it's my engagement present (rather than the ring) makes it even more beautiful to me. The day was gorgeous and sunny, the air was crisp and clear and overall it was glorious.. until I got sick that evening... but we'll just wipe that part out of our memories, shall we? Yes. We shall. I have pictures of it, but I'm not at a computer that can hook up to my camera, so they'll have to wait until I am in Maple Ridge.
I'm working on writing down all my feelings and experiences with the adoption reunion... maybe I'll put it all in a book, one day?
That's all for now. I'm not feeling very well... the couch, some jell-o and a few DVDs ought to put me right to sleep. *snortle*
I've had so much to post lately, and silly me -- was over filling the blogger buffer and it wouldn't publish. Heh. So here's the short version.
The call went well on the 17th. Amazingly well. I know it's probably the "first blush" stage of a new relationship... but the connection is undoubtably there. Since the 2 and a half hour call with my B-Mom, I have also spoken to my half sister Carla (for about an hour and a half) - she tried searching for me last year, though things didn't get completed, and now I've found them... so it's all good. She'll be driving in to Vancouver tonight, and depending on how I'm feeling physically, we may meet up tomorrow for lunch and a photo exchange. I've been sick the last two days... nasty cold... keeping me up at night... so we'll see. I don't want to pass it on!
The move is going well... Slowly but surely. We moved all the crap I had out of storage and had the yard sale that I mentioned last post. We were selling things ridiculously cheap... and it paid off. Got rid of most of what we didn't need, and got some money to boot! Trying to get EI... got a notice from them that they're " looking into " my claim and "a decision will be made, soon". Meh. Hope it goes my way. I'll fight for it. Cuz, really, my leaving was mutual.
Sunday we went to Granville Island and picked up the clay mural by Bob Kingsmill. It's gorgeous. Just what I'd hoped for and more. I keep looking at it on our wall and thinking - my God, it's beautiful! Not only is it beautiful in itselft, but the fact that it's my engagement present (rather than the ring) makes it even more beautiful to me. The day was gorgeous and sunny, the air was crisp and clear and overall it was glorious.. until I got sick that evening... but we'll just wipe that part out of our memories, shall we? Yes. We shall. I have pictures of it, but I'm not at a computer that can hook up to my camera, so they'll have to wait until I am in Maple Ridge.
I'm working on writing down all my feelings and experiences with the adoption reunion... maybe I'll put it all in a book, one day?
That's all for now. I'm not feeling very well... the couch, some jell-o and a few DVDs ought to put me right to sleep. *snortle*
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
Monday, February 24, 2003
Continued from the 17th...
After the yard sale, dinner and re-arranging furniture last night, all my fears and expectations weighed in and took their toll on my tired mind. I felt overwhelmed, anxious, and absolutely deathly afriad of speaking to her today. Here ends my fantasy birth mother and begins a real human being. My REAL birth mother. I have no idea what to expect, and yet my fantasy birth mother is lingering in my mind with all of the expectations that fantasy includes. Those expectations don't mean that she is going to be the way I expect. The fear doesn't mean that there is actually anything to be afraid of. All they mean is that I have expectations, and that I'm feeling afraid. Period. End of story.
After those realizations, I was able to feel a bit better about things, not nearly so overwhelmed, not nearly so freaked out and out of control... I still felt afraid. I still had expectations, but I KNEW they didn't mean anything, and I could just let them be there... and then see what REALLY happened when we spoke.
I'm ready. Still afraid. Still full of expectations... but I'm ready.
After the yard sale, dinner and re-arranging furniture last night, all my fears and expectations weighed in and took their toll on my tired mind. I felt overwhelmed, anxious, and absolutely deathly afriad of speaking to her today. Here ends my fantasy birth mother and begins a real human being. My REAL birth mother. I have no idea what to expect, and yet my fantasy birth mother is lingering in my mind with all of the expectations that fantasy includes. Those expectations don't mean that she is going to be the way I expect. The fear doesn't mean that there is actually anything to be afraid of. All they mean is that I have expectations, and that I'm feeling afraid. Period. End of story.
After those realizations, I was able to feel a bit better about things, not nearly so overwhelmed, not nearly so freaked out and out of control... I still felt afraid. I still had expectations, but I KNEW they didn't mean anything, and I could just let them be there... and then see what REALLY happened when we spoke.
I'm ready. Still afraid. Still full of expectations... but I'm ready.
This should have been posted on the 17th... but blogger would not co-operate until NOW. Grr.
Yard sale yesterday. After the amalgamation of two households by moving all my stuff out of storage, we had a lot of extra CRAP! Very tiring after being up until about 3AM with the play on Saturday and then the after-play get together at the director's house. Great bunch of people... talented AND fun. I'll miss them with the move to Vancouver. :-/
On Saturday afternoon just before I had to leave to get to the play setup, the social worker called me. My birth-mom had called her wondering how to get in touch with me, becuase she had called - she called last Monday and left a message with her mom's number on it. She has no phone. I dropped the ball somewhat and didn't call her back. I wrote, eventually, on Thursday night and mailed the letter on Friday. My excuse was that I didn't want to talk to my birth Grandmother first, I wanted to talk to HER first. Just an excuse. Since I had to leave the house in about 15 minutes, I asked if we could schedule something for Monday... I would be free, any time. We've arranged for me to call her at 1:00PM, at her mom's, today.
So many emotions have been running through me. Last night I FULLY realized what is going to happen to me today. Today, I am going to speak with my birth mother. I am actually going to hear HER voice on the phone and get to know how she expresses herself, whether she likes me or not... though I'll always have doubts on that front, I'm sure. I never really believe *anyone actually likes me. Not completely, anyway. I'm pretty sure this stems from being adopted. I have no idea what else will come of this conversation... we'll learn tons about each other, I'm sure.
Yard sale yesterday. After the amalgamation of two households by moving all my stuff out of storage, we had a lot of extra CRAP! Very tiring after being up until about 3AM with the play on Saturday and then the after-play get together at the director's house. Great bunch of people... talented AND fun. I'll miss them with the move to Vancouver. :-/
On Saturday afternoon just before I had to leave to get to the play setup, the social worker called me. My birth-mom had called her wondering how to get in touch with me, becuase she had called - she called last Monday and left a message with her mom's number on it. She has no phone. I dropped the ball somewhat and didn't call her back. I wrote, eventually, on Thursday night and mailed the letter on Friday. My excuse was that I didn't want to talk to my birth Grandmother first, I wanted to talk to HER first. Just an excuse. Since I had to leave the house in about 15 minutes, I asked if we could schedule something for Monday... I would be free, any time. We've arranged for me to call her at 1:00PM, at her mom's, today.
So many emotions have been running through me. Last night I FULLY realized what is going to happen to me today. Today, I am going to speak with my birth mother. I am actually going to hear HER voice on the phone and get to know how she expresses herself, whether she likes me or not... though I'll always have doubts on that front, I'm sure. I never really believe *anyone actually likes me. Not completely, anyway. I'm pretty sure this stems from being adopted. I have no idea what else will come of this conversation... we'll learn tons about each other, I'm sure.
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