So the plague of not posting has been loosed upon me by Hera knows what evil power rampant in the universe... Actually, I think it's called "Real Life" or something like that.

I've been so busy enjoying my days and nights that I haven't sat down in front of the computer with a need to share -- there's just too much to share!

My emotions are stable -- if a bit manic thanks to M. That got me thinking last night. I realized I had some concerns that I was going back to my old ways of finding a man, any man, and then building him up in my mind to be something more than he is which ultimately, always leads to disappointment and heartache.

I thought long and hard about it and used my imagination to put myself in the position of M. not being what he seems. I know... worst case scenario -- but it has happened to me in the past! Thing is, if he's not -- then I'm definitely not as good a judge of human character as I think I am. At any rate - I worked myself up (down?) into really trying to feel what it would be like to discover that he's not as interested as he is - that he, say, found someone else. I felt it. I felt the sadness, I felt the betrayal, the disillusionment... I felt all of that -- but I also felt that I would be okay and, most importantly, that I haven't betrayed myself by exploring the possibilities of a future with him. I am still working towards my dreams and goals -- having him in my life is quite simply the killer topping on top of the baked New York style cheesecake (complete with cherries).

Coming to these realizations on my own and with such certainty is a new experience for me. Being assertive and asking for what I want from people is also new for me but I'm doing that regularly, too! I don't know quite what it is about hitting 30, but I really feel that I've come into my own. I know what I want, I know that I can work towards getting it and I know that I don't want to settle for anything less that what I feel I deserve!

I also realize that I'm human and that other people are, too - ie: we all have our faults. It's just a matter of realizing what faults you can live with in people that you associate with and what faults you just won't live with and vice versa. Hopefully you find someone whose faults you can live with that can live with yours.

The emotional rambling aside... It's ALI Kayaking night tonight! Once a year one of my paddling co-workers organizes an outing for 60 employees and friends to go to Deep Cove and go sea kayaking. Last year was beautiful and this year is shaping up to be just as gorgeous. This year I have someone special to go with, too -- which is awesome.

My car is in the shop today for a strange electrical ground short problem... the interior light is on at all times no matter what I do and the oil and voltage lights come on when I'm driving and go off when I accelerate hard or just let the engine coast. Weird. Hopefully they can fix it without too much $$$. And hopefully I can get my car back in time to pick up M. for Kayaking!

Saturday is the Rose Festival -- I'm so excited to be going again. I sort of avoided it for a few years because of being with George... my ex was likely to be there and George had no use for him so we didn't go. I felt rather lost each year when I realized that the Rose Fest had come and gone and I had missed it again... not this year! M. is coming with me. I hope it will be as magical as I remember it to be. I know it will be.

Busy month coming up... 29th-30th Carmana Valley trip, 6th-7th Moving, 13th-14th Wilderness Fisrt Aid course, 20th-21st Wilderness Survival Course, July 27th-August 4th Time off to bike tour with M. Probably the Gulf Islands. Wow! I'm looking forward to ALL of it.

Enough for now... time to get back to work and close off some of these nasty Reports that I'm working on!

....this post edited to contain pertinent breaking news of the day....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIMLI!!!!!!!!!!! Sexy. Bish. *lix*

....we now continue with our regularly scheduled blather....

Ahhhhh... Tuesday. Is that it?! Isn't it later by now? Crap.

The nav course field day went well. I learned a lot and I feel much better prepared in dealing with bearings, triangulation, resection and other ways of making sure I am where I think I am. I did, however, manage to lose my knife. :-/ Being that I'm on pager this weekend, it's doubtful that I'll be able to get back up there to go looking for it... so I might just buy a new one and lanyard that puppy right away.

More later... Working... almost off!!