Make no sudden assumptions based upon my blog yesterday... things continuously change and ebb and flow. My brain continues to think too much. Analyze this. Analyze that. I think it will take a while, if ever, for Matthew's efforts to make a lasting impact on me. It will take a while for me to trust feeling loved. I have hope, and I have despair. I have love and lust and every other emotion under the moon moving through me, taking over, waxing and waning. Perhaps my mother knows me best after all? I search for love in all the wrong places, my desperation must certainly be a turn off as I become grotesque with longing. Until I can consistently satisfy my own desire to be loved and love myself completely... how can I expect anyone else to love me? How can I even know HOW to love another person? It must start with me. How do I break this cycle?

The questions and the thinking continue... argh.