A Story: I didn't do my Morning Pages for 3 days. I started to freak out about Life, The Universe and Everything. I did one page out of three this morning (so far) and suddenly things don't seem NEARLY so bad.

The Moral: Morning Pages are my brain's very best friend.

In other news:

Yes.. the "new beau meeting the parents weekend extraveganza" happened on Saturday.. amidst the 65th birthday party for my Aunt and my mother meddling in the cousin to cousin mini-fued that my brother and cousin are embroiled in. Neither of them asked for her help. Of course. Mom says "He's fine" when I ask what she thought of Matthew. Course, she's embarassed that she got overly tipsy in the hot tub and could barely walk afterwards.. I've never seen her like that -- must have been the stress of the twenty minute confrontation she initiated with my cousin. Why? Oh why? I may never know.

Before the confrontation, my mother chatted with M. and seemed to get along well with him. My Dad, as usual, was quiet and just watching everything that was going on around him. I didn't realize that he was IN on my Mom's verbal assault on my cousin until she came back to the table and, between sips of wine, told my Dad all about it while he lent a sympathetic ear and my brother rolled his eyes at her.

I speak to her today and ask her a favour... could she look after Rainy... from the get-go I fear the tone of her voice when I call. She sounds tight and wound up. Unhappy about something - but what? She tells me about the stomach troulbes she's been having for the last 2 months and how she's got to go in for nasty tests this week - and blames her strange state on that... I'm probably reading way too much into this,in fact I know I am. She's agreed to look after the puppy if I make sure that the groomer can take care of her in the morning rather than the afternoon. I should relax. I know she'll come around eventually... wish I could just not have everything I do in my life that she doesn't approve of be a huge stress point between us. I guess that's mostly up to her, though, when it comes down to it.


And I wonder, at times, why I'm so fucked up?

Strange that the full moon is when I start to bleed. I've been off the hormone control pills since March... and it's shifted around slowly each month. I mark it on the calendar to track it and today I noticed that it is actually a full moon. I wonder if it will stabilize there or if my cycle has shortened... as it has been moving back a few days each month. We shall see! It's an adventure... and this month's adventure involves cramping and headaches. I wondered why I had a headache that wouldn't quit this morning... and now I know. Thank goodness for the ease of the keeper. (Thanks Christy for putting me on to it, I love it!) I never have to wonder if I have enough "supplies" to last me through the month.. or if I've remembered to re-stock my purse. I just put the keeper in my purse when I'm done for the month and it's ready whenever I need it. The only unfortunate thing is that I can't help anybody else out if they've gotten caught by surprise without any supplies.

Ugh. Bleeding. Headache. Cramps. I love being a woman. Despite all that.

Took the course... passed the course! Boy... that sure sounds a lot easier than it was! It wasn't difficult, so much as a whole lot of information to assimilate in a short period of time. Long days... but worth it. Glad I took the course, don't know that I'll ever use it, but if I need it - I have it.

Hmm.. in other news... I don't feel much like posting these days. I get all my ranting and figuring of things out done in the morning writing something called "Morning pages". Morning pages are a tool from the book The Artist's Way by Juila Cameron. What you do is write 3 long hand pages every morning. No more, no less. They don't have to be about anything... you just have to DO them. Occasionally mine are just gibberish, but sometimes some really deep things come out that I've been fretting about and didn't know how badly they were affecting me. I ask my Morning Pages questions... and the answers come, eventually. It's even more cathartic than writing in my blog has been for me. That's saying a lot.

Thing is... it doesn't leave much to rant or rave or write about here at the end of the day. That may change as I proceed along the path of The Artist's Way.

Trying to cut some glass tonight... but so far I've been distracted by the television AND by my computer.. and by the fact that I have no tape to tape my pattern together with. I can solve that problem tomorrow at work -- but for now, I promised myself some glass cutting -- so I think I'll just have to find a smaller pattern and cut something for that!! It'll give me some practice before starting the bigger project I'm working on.

At any rate... I'm off to do that, now.

I'll try to update from time to time about how the journey to creativity is going...

Finally going to take that Wilderness First Aid course this weekend... the one that I got strep throat for last month and had to miss... (only I didn't know it was strepp throat until the Tuesday AFTER the weekend).. Eep!

So I probably will be online even LESS than I am, now.

Reading about QuakeCon makes me want to be there, too... I even played some Single Player Q3 yesterday... was fun.. but OSP messes up my SP action. Have to figure out how to move it out of the way when I want to play SP.

Anyway.... must get gear organized for tomorrow and figure out how to get where I'm going. Early start. 8am... 45 minute drive away. Ick. Leaving earlier than I did for work this week. Hah!

Have to get back into good habits. Bad ones have taken over for too long. The more organized I am, the better my life will be. I started getting more organized today at work and it continued all the way home with me. Now... If I can just organize myself into getting some exercise and eating right. I've been far too lazy for far too long. The bit of extra weight I'm carrying is getting me down. I don't like how I look in pictures these days... I feel like I'm letting myself go... and I don't know where it will end. Time to nip it in the bud NOW before I let it slide. Motivate. Motivate. Motivate. RAH! Can anyone tell me how to eat? I suck at menu planning for weight loss. I rock at menu planning for pure unadulterated enjoyment of FOOD. I love food WAY too much and I loathe exercise for exercise's sake. Bad combination.

Next year at this time I will be living close enough to work to once again bike there every day. At least, that's the plan. Up to an hour ride each way I'm willing to put in - though 20 minutes each way would be ideal. That gives me loads of places I can potentially live. I want to live in a house, that's for sure... no more apartments for this girl and her dog.

There will be no more bruise pics for a while... the place where I've had my grandfathered free 'staff' web site on the corporate web server has changed my login password for ftp. I'm begging for a few days extension and a few days notice!!! I need to pull everything back down OFF of there. I figured the free super fast virtual domain hosting site was too good to last long.... but it lasted for about five years!

Stream of consciousness blogging.. oh yes, indeed.

New bruise pics here.

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Mage Ranger


Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.


Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Only had one page this weekend so far... and the weekend is nearly over. That one was an easy one... here's hoping that's it for the shfit.

Very relaxing weekend, yet active. M. and I finally found Sipa Sipa footbags (hacky sacks). We looked for them all over Nelson. We looked for them all over Calgary. We called around Vancouver. Where, oh where were we going to find one?? Guess where M. works? MEC. Guess where we found Sipa Sipa footbags? MEC Yeah... we were laughing, too. Now to get good at this hacking stuff... could take some time!

Played softball tonight. We were warming up and I was playing 3rd base... I took a line drive to the left thigh. Ow. Ow. Ow. It's going to be a beautiful bruise... I'll take day by day pictures of it and try to show them to you... the pics from the night are here.There is one of my thigh right at the end... it's changing colours rapidly, though. That one .AVI was because I forgot I had the camera on "movie" so... I did get the home run... but a lot of shots of the ground, too. =)

Time for sleep.

Time cannot go quickly enough while I'm at work. It's just DRAGGING today.

Maybe if I actually try to do some work it'll speed the day along until 3:30 when I can leave to pick up M. So far no takers on pager. I'll just say "fuck it" and sleep in next week if I get paged -- it's Ross's fault for scheduling me at 6am!! I NEED MY REST!

So... the business of life continues and the mental/emotional/spiritual? revelations materialize and solidify in my consciousness and cease to slide in and out. These things become more concrete day by day... talking about them helps -- had a great long talk with George tonight. Hope I helped him. =) He rocks.

Going to have a fairly relaxing weekend.. as long as I can get rid of pager.. ;-) Hopefully I can... because really the money isn't nearly as important as my health... which hasn't been so uber stable lately. For one thing, I'm gaining weight (my own non-diet-conscious non-exercising fault) but this lack of exercise and poor diet are weakening my immune system... add to that an unhealthy desire to stay up to all hours of the morning spending time with M. and you have a recipe for health disaster. I'm spending more time at home this week (and this weekend) and next week my bro is away so I'm obliged to come home and let my doggie out right after work as well as feed his cat. Sadie is cute as a bug. as the plans to head to Seattle have temporarily fallen through. I'll watch my new LoTR DVD with M (who hasn't seen it yet?!?!!), spend time with him here, go for a hike, build closet shelves and hopefully play some softball. =) But not do much else.

At any rate... I'm sleepy. It's time for bed.

George. Remember, you ROCK! Don't ever let anyone else make you feel like you don't!

Kimli makes me smile and laugh. Loudly. With snorting. It's no wonder I can't read her at work!

I love M.

Had a fantastic vacation. I want to move to Kaslo.

Problem is, I'm already feeling overwhelmed by work and the general hectic-ness of life. It's been 2 days since my vacation. So... I've decided to simplify. The first step will be cancelling all credit cards but one. I have yet to decide which one gets to stay a part of my life... but I WILL cancel all the rest. Step two: Cancelling all "rewards programs" cards and "club cards". Of course, I'll get some free goods from them with my points, first... ;-) But after that... I don't want my spending habits to be tracked anymore or have to dig through 250,000 cards in my wallet to get 40 cents back and 10 points. Forget it.

I want to move to part time work. I suppose that I can... but I have to decide whether or not it's in my best interests to do so. My health would likely be better, my emotional state, my standard of living... but working full time will get money for my dreams faster... I will start with the first two things and see what happens. I love my job... but only for 8 hours a day.. when it goes overtime like it did today -- it's the suck. I don't get paid any extra for staying... so why did I? Especially when it stressed me out so much. The good thing is, I made it through the stress without breaking down... it was close -- but the 1.5 hour drive home gave me tons of time to ponder life, the universe and everything. Seeing a car flipped upside down with fire-fighters working to free the people inside kind of put things in perspective a bit, too.

Simplify.

Well, it is sadly already time to leave Calgary... Yesterday was busy. M. and I went and found a BMX tire for his bike - then we found our way to the Calgary Zoo - really an amazing experience and worth the price of admission.... then we visited the Calgary office of MEC (where M. works in Vancouver) and to top it all off Kim and Ed and M. andI had Thai food at the place where everyone celebrated Ali's birthday... it was fantastic. =) There were at least 3 other birthday celebrations going on there when we were there this time, too. We then went for Ice Cream at Phillips... and though I love Green tea ice cream... this one was a kind that they add the leaves to... that always kind of weirds me out... but it was good in spite of it. M. had one scoop of Khalua and one of Pralines and (insert some other kind of nut that I forget the name of here). He really seemed to enjoy it. ;-) Kim is hotter than ever and Ed is pretty cute, too. He gives good hugs, does my bro. Need more of those when they move to the lower mainland next year.

I wish M. could come to Las Vegas with us... I will be the only chick without my mate... but $$$ always conspires against us. Dunno if he'll be able to swing it. Likely not. Poo.

Wow, I had forgotten what a room at jome with multiple computers in it could sound like! HUMMMMMMMMM...

Are my thoughts disjointed? Perhaps. It's only because I have to leave Calgary soon. Heading for the glories of Banff will ease the pain, though only a little bit.

Illuminares was great fun, but this week (so far) travelling to the Kootenays has been even more fun. I'll update more from home.. probably.. if my brother ever stops downloading songs from the net! Heck, I can update while he downloads, so I will. Pictures and everything. Right now I am at the lovely and delectable Kim's and the silly and brother-like Ed's apartment in Calgary! We drove all the way here in the Old Beast (car that my grandparents bought new, my mom then owned and gifted to me) with a stop in the Slocan Valley and Nelson. I'm in love with Nelson... one day maybe I'll move there... if I can find a job there that I'd love to do. More details will follow but I want to go eat Thai food with everyone, now. HUNGRY.

Tonight M. and I are going to venture down to the Illuminares Festival. I've wanted to go to this thing for years, and always managed to forget each year until hearing about how magical it was a few days after the fact! NOT THIS YEAR! I don't have a lantern, but I have a magical dress and a glow stick. Next year I will create a fabulous lantern for it... maybe I will create many fabulous lanterns and figure out a performance! We'll see... magical night.. here I come... take me away to a place I've never been before...

I think I'll go vaccuum and wash the car and then finish putting things away in my room.

So I'm home tonight. I just felt awful this morning but managed to struggle through the day... it kind of looks bad when you take a sunny Friday off just before you take vacation. ;-) Plus.. I had stuff to do at work.

So... the past few weeks in a nutshell:

After the McKesson/ALI Acquisition BBQ and Celebration at UBC's Museum of Anthropology I was supposed to go to the weekend outdoor portion of a St. John Ambulance Wilderness First Aid course... but I had a monster sore throat, so I rescheduled for August. I spent the weekend curled up in M.'s bed while he made me tea and brought me cold medication... all the while with me protesting "I should go home, I'm going to make *you* sick." What did the greatest guy in the world say in return? Something wonderful along the lines of... "No, cuz then you'd be all alone and we're going to make each other sick sooner or later, anyway. You're staying." Can I say melt? Oh yes, indeed. The "cold that never manifested" turned out to be a nasty case of strepp throat, which I realized on Tuesday morning at about 1:30am. The pain started on the previous Thursday night.. but me thinking it was just a cold coming on... didn't go to the doctor until I couldn't swallow or sleep for the pain at 1:30 in the morning. Resourceful me, I found the phone book and discovered that we have a local hospital with an emergency room. They gave me pain drugs (that didn't really work, but the fact that I had started to take care of the problem helped me sleep) and antibiotics and a prescription for more.... My throat is a bit sore again... because I didn't *quite* finish the antibiotics. I hope I didn't mess myself up big time. I'm finishing them off again. All the bloody way this time.

Last weekend's Wilderness Survival Course:

This was a hoot, except I think the antibiotics made me a bit ill... because both days I felt nauseous and light headed during and after hiking. We learned what we should bring on a day hike in case we are stuck out overnight and we learned to improvise what we didn't bring... where to find/make/set up shelter, getting water, saving food, etc.. We set up tarps in all sorts of different ways. The weather was perfect, unfortunately..... we would have learned even more had it been nasty out. This did afford a gorgeous view of the nearly full moon and stars from a ridge near where we stopped. I saw two shooting stars and tons of sattelites lying on my back on the spongy dry moss. Fantastic. Magical. Wish M. had been there to share it with me. Slept pretty darn well in my tarp shelter, too.

Coming up:

The bike tour of the Gulf Islands that became a road trip to Calgary via Nelson, BC. A road trip because I haven't got enough recent mileage on my bike to be able to ride far every day and enjoy it and because I want to see Kim and Ed. Nelson because my birth mom lived there when I was born and because M. grew up near there until he was about 12 or so... We are going to stay just a few minute's walk from their property. We'll explore the Slocan Valley a bit maybe a day and a half's worth... and then drive over the Rockies to Calgary to see delicious and juicy Kim! She, as you know if you read her blog (which you should because it's infinitely more entertaining than mine and I link it to the right over there.... --> ) is getting married in September and all of her bridesmaids live miles away. I'm the closest and I'm on the west coast of B.C.! I figured it would be awesome to see she and Ed before the hustle and bustle of wedding week and I want to introduce M. to everyone!

But time for bed. I'm tired and still sick. I want to be healthy for the trip!

Congratulations to Laura and Jeff!! They had a beautiful baby boy on July the 5th!! Welcome to the world Zachary Liam! I'm sure you will amaze us all. So beautiful!

I have ADSL! But I'm not home for the next few days... ;-) 700 pieces of junk mail later....

ADSL still not quite there... hence the lack of updates.

One thing I would like to re-iterate... and that is that the SMOKER that sits beside me SUCKS! I love it when he goes outside for a smoke and then comes back in right after he's finished his last PUFF of smelly cigarette... and sits down to let the foul aroma of burnt cigarette smoke waft over me like a cancerous wave. Just love it.

I tell him about it, too. "You stink". I mumble "stinky boy" to myself (loudly enough that he can hear me). He's such an ass. Ah well... one day I won't have to put up with him.. maybe we'll move groups around sooner rather than later and I won't have to sit beside stinky cancer stick boy any more. Wouldn't that be loverly. Oh yes, it would.

Oops forgot to publish that last bit when I wrote it... More details on the Wilderness First Aid Weekend That Was Not and Other Exciting Tales will follow....


I get ADSL tomorrow. I hope.