Poem on the way. I can feel it building. I love when that happens.

Today’s Wanton Wednesday:

Find 5 things about yourself that you like. I’m going for physical attributes here, but inner ones are good too. The reason I’m asking for physical things because I’m using myself as a model for today’s WW and I know I can easily find 5 inner things about myself that I don’t hate – it’s learning to accept my outer shell that I need to work on.

1. My eyes. They're a very interesting colour of green, lighter in the middle with dark around the outside. Emotions affect the intensity of the green. Guess what it means when they're dark and vivid green? Guess what it means when they're soft and mellow green?
2. My lips. Not as full as Kimli's but I (and others) think they're kissable.
3. My bum. I have one. It's round. I like it.
4. My hair when it's long and clean and behaving. I have a lot of it and love to tousle it up.
5. Inner self-wise. I like that I'm finally getting to know me and to stand up for who I am.

Wow. What a weird morning. I was in an emotional funk that I just couldn't break out of - hence that earlier post. Maybe it was not meeting Maya Angelou last night (maybe tonight after her talk..) ... maybe it was the stupid dreams about George and I being together and then me seeing him with someone else. Or the stupid dreams where I approached him sexually and he rejected me, or the stupid dreams where EVERY guy I approached sexually or otherwise rejected me. Meh. Everyone at work was in some strange kind of funk, too. It was positively surreal. Eventually, thankfully, it passed.

I have tomorrow and Friday off to hit the packing horse hard. Moving day is Saturday.

I wonder if there are men who are sensitive, feeling people. Men who don't just want sex from women. Men who want to know who the woman is before jumping in the sack with her. Men who are like women in that regard. I wonder.

Whew. Glad that night of pager hell is over. 8 hours at work on a weekend... from 10:30 at night until 6:30 in the morning. Yerg. On the upside I got to sleep all day and now I'm in packing mode again. Just FYI: shakes has a sexy belleh.

Too tired to troubleshoot anymore. Too tired to think. But I must.

So frustrating.

So it's four in the morning and I'm at work. Go pager! This has been a fairly busy shift, but I've proven my dedication by coming in to the office both days of my weekend. Today was more necessary -- one of the hubs had a UPS failure and made all the computers on the other side of it inaccessible. Bad. Bad. Very bad. Especially considering I was in the middle of troubleshooting what got me here in the first place when it died. That was at 11pm yesterday.

I'm getting to that point where my head is spinning and I want nothing more than to go to sleep. I told George to climb into the bed and sleep there, cuz I probably won't be home until late, and I'd just wake him up. So I'll crash on the floor mattress until he gets up around 7:30 -- or maybe I'll just be getting home, then!

George's Mom rocks. She's the most open and sweet and wonderful person. It's no wonder George is so honest and straightforward. I spoke to her on the phone today and she told me that I am always welcome in their home. That I will always be part of their team and to come over any time - whether George is there or not and that if I ever need any help - just to ask. =) Made me get all teary-eyed. She is a very dear person whom I would love to have in my life for many years to come. I let her know that they can always call on me if they need help of any kind, too.

Long talks are good. Discovering what each other is feeling is good. The worst part is, the closer I feel to George, the more I want him. I realize how much that would defeat the purpose of going it alone for a while, though. I will build my life with no thought to who else might be sharing it in the future. The only consideration another human gets is the consideration I have shown myself by trying to become a "whole person". If another "whole person" should come along to share my life, well then we'll see what transpires. Until then... I want to finally live my life for my own future. Build my own security. Have my own adventures.

I repeat myself and repeat myself in this Blog... but sometimes that's what it takes to make sure I understand all of what I'm trying to do and get it all into my head, heart and soul.

So, "Nyah!" In the immortal words of Eddie Murphy, "It's my house! If you don't like it, get the fuck out."