Rain falls. Snow melts. Spring arrives. I did feel such unabandoned joy about that, but now... *sigh*

Not much to say - Matthew came home this weekend and things went as well as ever. *sarc* It started out better than okay, but probably only becuase his friend came with him from school. Once he'd gone... it went downhill. He's always more pleasant to be around when other people are here. Why am I deserving of such sub-standard treatment? How about you don't take your stress out on me. Discuss it with me, DEAL with it, but don't take it out ON me. K?

Matthew climbed under the nasty trailer and ran the wire for my kiln. He emerged covered in cat poo, pee and who knows what other lovely things that evil animals left under the trailer. Thank goodness for coveralls. We have to clean that out this summer and block it up properly so nothing else can get in. The smell, now that spring is here, is horrible! He does do such amazing things for me.

*sigh*

Why do I feel so indifferent and hopeless? When we're apart, I think things will be just great and that we're making progress, but everytime we get together again, it just deteriorates. PAIN. Is it all my "expectations". Evil expectation. It's not mine so much as his, I think. I go along feeling like everything's fine, then he talks down to me and I feel hurt and invalidated. He talks down to me for NO REASON. I will not suck it up and ignore it anymore. Hurts even more that way and doesn't change anything.

Blah. So much to do, so little motivation. I think I used up all my motivation last summer.