Being on pager is not what I wanted to be doing this weekend. Being on pager interrupts all the activities I wanted to be doing. Shopping. Interrupted. Sleeping. Interrupted. Playing with the dog at the park. Interrupted. Time with M. Interrupted. Creating miraculous, oven-baked masterpieces of flour, yeast, egg and water. Interrupted.

I am Girl, Interrupted.

I'm ready, oh so ready, to quit my current job. Ready to live the bohemian lifestyle of a potter, an artist, a lover, a mother. What will the children of this bohemian mother be like? Who will they declare themselves to be? I refuse to work 5 days a week anymore. I refuse to work my job on my time off anymore. I was meant to live a life of grace, feel the rhythms of the seasons, of the weeks, the days, the hours. Peace. Passion. Tranquility. Toil. Lovely.

This past year has felt like leaping from merely dwelling in my life to really living it, bursting free from the confines of the box. From lying cold, still and dead to throbbing with warmth and creativity, completely pulsing with life! I am amazed by it all. The year began well, and even through the toughest times, I felt stronger than I ever have before in similar situations... despite what some of my entries said during those times, the strength just kept growing.

I still have moments of fear... hours of doubt and sadness creep in and fight to stay. Eventually, I repel them and they never manage to hold me for long. Weeks of sadness have been replaced by hours of melancholy... I find that those moments of doubt and fear and sadness usually come to test me, and my resolve after them is strengthened, so that the thing that caused the doubt, fear or sadness no longer has the power to do so, afterwards. I know that when I feel downtrodden, it is just a harbinger of strength to come.

Happy. Happy. Joy. Joy. Fire. Passion. Glory. Life!